I’m not going to use this space to argue for marriage equality, or to outline the reasons why it’s important.  We all know what it’s all about.  I just wanted to take a little time and write about a couple things that have been on my mind today.  And needless to say, the following article represents my own opinions and does not necessarily reflect the opinions of the KSD or the National Stonewall Democrats.

Over the past couple of years I’ve come to the realization that the government shouldn’t be in the “marriage” business in the first place.  Civil partnerships, sure, but marriage?  Marriage, as such, ought to be between you and your spouse, along with your friends, family, and faith community (if any).  This blogger doesn’t think that it’s something that should be legislated in any way, shape, or form.  I favor the French model, which, as I understand it, allows any couple (gay or otherwise) that shares a residence to receive the legal benefits that we traditionally associate with civil marriage.

That said, we’re never going to change the nature of the debate so substantially.  So we’ve got to work with the terminology we’ve got.  Critics accuse us of wanting to change the definition of marriage.  And they’re correct — we do.  I mean, they really are not wrong when they say that marriage has traditionally been defined as the union of a man and a woman.  But so what?  Traditions change and definitions change.  Traditionally, for instance, women worked in the home while men went out and made money.  Traditionally, non-whites and non-Christians in this country were treated as second-class citizens.  That’s how things always used to be, right?  That doesn’t mean that we can’t acknowledge today that those beliefs were wrong.

One interesting side note to the whole marriage debate is the opinion of the gay liberationists.  The argument goes that we’re betraying the movement by even wanting to get married.  They oppose what they perceive as a desire to assimilate into mainstream “straight” society.  Liberationists see a conflict between those who desire to gain acceptance from society at large and those who want to establish a new gay society that’s more-or-less divorced from “straight” America.  And honestly, they have a point.

The “modern” gay rights movement, which we date from the Stonewall riots of 1969, sort of began as a revolution.  Many of the earliest leaders were radicals and anti-establishment types.  They didn’t want to adapt to mainstream society, they wanted mainstream society to adapt to them.  And still today, of course, a lot of gay people conduct their relationships in ways that have nothing at all to do with any definition of marriage, traditional or otherwise.  I’d like to think that someday, American society can come to accept all of us as we are, whether we choose to pair off in monogamous couples or not.  Personally, I am happily monogamous, but I recognize that isn’t what gay life is all about for a lot of my GLBT brothers and sisters.  And even for those of us who do share our lives with a partner, our “chosen families” are usually at least as important to us as our biological ones.

What I think we really ought to be fighting for is equal rights for all.  Marriage equality advocates talk about things like health insurance, hospital visitation, and inheritance rights.  And those things are all incredibly important.  But on the flip side, shouldn’t I be able to legally bequeath my estate to whomever I want to, whether or not I’m married to the person?  Shouldn’t everyone have equal access to quality health care?  Should the government tax a person who chooses not to be married differently than a person who does?  I just think there are more issues to think about here than initially meet the eye.

I know I’ve rambled a bit, and I have strayed from the points I was originally going to discuss.  This essay was a bit of a stream-of-thought work.  I’m not sure if I even said anything of substance, or whether it’s just a bunch of gibberish.  Anyway, I’d love to know what you think.  Are we betraying our roots by trying to “assimilate” into straight culture?  Are we so starved for acceptance that the only way we think we can achieve it is to emulate our oppressors?  Or do we just want to share in the same legal rights that are enjoyed by everyone else?  I know I’d certainly like to enjoy the benefits of a civil marriage … a marriage that I already acknowledge in my heart … but the liberationist argument makes logical sense, too.  If you’ve got an opinion on the matter, please let me know!